Singing for the Lonely

Resist

2004-11-11T04:51:18Z

My whole body aches
With all the things I can't afford
To not do.
My whole body aches
With all the things I won't let
Myself do.
My whole body aches,
With injuries ignored,
With every step,
Every breath, every glance in my direction.
I ache with the boredom
Of knowing it all;
I don't know it all,
I shouldn't be bored.
I ache with anticipation,
Of the rain to come.
My body aches with the
Lies I tell myself,
To justify taking the blame,
To keep going through the pain.
My whole body aches
With injuries I didn't think
I could afford.
I'm paying dearly now.
My whole life aches,
With chances I didn't think
I could take.
It's too late now.

Last one I promise!!

2004-10-10T04:17:00Z

Ein alten Mann lächelt.
Über was?
Über wem?

Ein jungen Mann guckt in seiner Tasche.
Für was?
Für wen?

Eine große Welle brach auf der Ufer ab.
Warum?
Warum?

Eine Gitarre sitzt auf meinem Stuhl.
Für was?
Für wen?

Ein alten Mann lächelt über meiner Gitarre.
Ein jungen Mann guckt in seiner Tasche,
Für ein Buch mit eine große Welle auf dem Einband.

An old man laughs.
About what?
About whom?

A young man looks in his bag.
For what?
For whom?

A giant wave crashes on the sand.
Why?
Why?

A guitar sits on my chair.
For what?
For whom?

An old man laughs about my guitar.
A young man looks in his bag,
For a book with a giant wave on the cover.

cosmicgreen @ 2004-10-09T20:58:00

2004-10-10T04:10:28Z

He is trudging uphill, with his standard Jansport slung sideways over his back. He is shaking slightly, but he climbs on. The bushes look greener than usual, and the sky bluer. The whole world has been photoshopped. Layer > New Adjustment Layer > Selective Color. (How many times have you done that?) Make the green greener, the blue bluer, the red redder and the black blacker. (How many times have you done that?) He is the calm before the storm. He is the tempest. He is the muddy waters that undulate through your lives. He is missing her.

She is strolling along, her hair flowing around her head and through her mind. She is supressed; she is subdued; she is crushed. She struts on. Each person that brushes past her fills her imagination with their scent. An extravagant meal walks by, followed shortly thereafter by a day at the spa. She smells cigars and drag races, gambles and fine art. She is quixotic. She is a sweet southern drawl. She is quintessential. She is missing him.

He is driving down a busy street, on his expensive new Kawasaki. The motor is revving with his brain, and he speeds on. He can taste blood on his tongue, the salty blood of much deserved revenge. Exhaust fumes seep into his mouth piercing his lungs. On his breath is the sweet taste of an expensive cigar. He is a drag race at midnight. He is licentious. He is a lie to get you into bed. Of course he doesn't miss her.

She is sitting at work, her stockinged feet on the desk, the phone on her ear. The sound of honking 40 floors down floats through her closed windows. Her best friend is uttering apologetic explanations into her brain and out the other ear. She is turning the volume up and down, up and down. She is her own set of problems. She is peevish. She is so afraid to miss him.

He is lighting candles of sorrow, letting each match burn down to his fingers. He can feel the heat licking his skin with a surprising gentle-ness. His heart turns to ice as his body is touched by a cool breeze. He senses the dark pressing down upon him. He is a deadline quickly bearing down upon you. He is the look on your boss' face when you turn something in late. He is a child's smile on his birthday. He's missing her more than ever.

He is trudging uphill with his eyes wide open. She is strolling along, nostrils flaring. He is driving down a busy street, mouth watering. She is sitting at work, ears pounding. He is lighting candles of sorrow, broken heart breaking. She is walking away, she is burning, she is falling, she is dying, she is dead. She is gone and he's missing her more than ever.

cosmicgreen @ 2004-10-09T20:24:00

2004-10-10T03:24:21Z

Nun da die Chemikalie der neuen Liebe
Weg verblassen hat.
Wellen auf dem Ufer.
Nun da die Geschichten alle erklärt worden sind,
mindestens zweimal.
Gleiten des Sonnenscheins.
Wie überleben Sie der Test der Zeit?
Sind Sie genug stark?
Ergreifender Strom.

Bilden Sie ihn heraus dort?
Können Sie rauh die Ozeanwellen
nach den süssen Strahlen des Sonnen genug sich sehnen,
um Ihre rosigen Backen zu wärmen?

Können Sie die Ozeanluft atmen?
Segeln Sie durch die stürmischen Meere,
die genug für das Heulen sausen,
um Sie in Ufer durchzubrennen lang sind?

Nun da der Komfort der alten Liebe
also erwartet ist.
Neue Wellen, neues Ufer.
Nun da wir Geschichten
mindestens zweimal erklären lassen.
Unveränderlicher Sonnenschein.
Sie überlebten alle Tests der Zeit,
Sie sind gewachsen stärker.
Betriebsbereiter Strom.

Mich, in einem "Blitz des auslaufenden Regens" wegnehmen.

Diary

2004-10-09T04:37:30Z

Her life written in Sharpie.
And each second of the
Time she leaves it to,
Is another moment for it to bleed through.
It always bleeds through.

All the love notes and drops of blood,
They all seep through,
Staring at her bruised face,
As she turns to a new page in her life,
A new page in her metallic diary.

Her life is marked with invisible ink.
The tears she cries alone at night,
That leave her breathless in the light,
Are the key to her words locked up,
All her deep dark secrets.

She only wants a blank page,
But every wrist cuff,
Everytime she is out of breath,
Everytime she has to be tough,
And everytime she breaks down and cries,
Is another word bleeding through,
Another word, condemning her.
She only wants a blank page.
And to be able to sleep,
Without crying or dreaming.

Of

2004-09-13T02:58:04Z

Avoiding all matter, and blame.
Discussing repercussions,
Of dying in the flames,
Of dying in shame.
Of dying in pain.
Of dying at all.

Showing up at your doorstep,
Without so much as a call.
Wearing my jeans,
To my best friend's wedding.
Headbanging
In the middle of the opera.

Avoiding all burden, and guilt.
Convoluted conversations,
Of breaking what's been built,
Of letting flowers wilt.
Of spilling milk.
Of being.

In your flock of pigeons,
There's a dove.
In your sky of blue,
There's a cloud.
In your world of evil,
There's a child.

Avoiding all worry, and wrong,
Regulated realizations,
Of attempting to belong,
Of being too strong,
Of living too long.
Of.

Stop

2004-08-27T03:31:02Z

When the real contenders have been disqualified,
And being tired is just an excuse for having nothing to say,
It is time to stop and think.
When the nimbus clouds are approaching fast,
And you can no longer deal with the pain you're in,
When the faded halos are so bright, they're blinding,
And the front lines all have fallen,
It is time to stop and remember.
When our leader is rightfully compared to a monkey,
And technology takes over personality,
It is time to stop and forget.

cosmicgreen @ 2004-08-15T19:51:00

2004-08-16T03:02:58Z

Sitting alone in his room, the only noise he could hear were those of the cars passing by. In his mind, he was someplace else. He was in a bare room, a large mirror covering an entire wall, was the only decoration. The music was loud. He didn't recognize it. He couldn't hear it. His head started to nod with the beat anyways. He wondered what kind of music it was.

His feet started to tap. With every breath, more of his body started moving. His head, his feet, his hands, his legs. Soon his whole body was moving with a rhythm he couldn't hear. He was dancing. His body dropped and sprung back up, it leaped and landed, he spun and shook. He could feel pulsing throughout his body. Was it the music?

He had sweat dripping off of his limbs, but with each step he felt exhilarated. With one jump, he could see himself flying. The next drop he was on a stage. In a twirl, he was in the middle of a tornado. His eyes were lit by the darkness surrounding him, or maybe from the fake whiteness of his teeth.

The beat became quieter, slower, less rhythmic, until finally it faded away. He was back in the bare room with just a mirror for decoration. Crowds were clapping for him. He could see them, but they weren't really there. Or maybe it was him that wasn't really there. He opened his eyes and he was back in his own room, listening to the sounds of cars passing by. He wasn't sweaty anymore, except maybe because of the grueling heat outside. He was just a guy, sitting in his room, waiting for an opportunity(or another daydream) to knock on his door.

cosmicgreen @ 2004-08-13T19:46:00

2004-08-14T03:13:55Z

This is for those of you who don't know what if feels like to give more than you have, to go faster than you can, and to come home and be asked for more. This is for those of you who know what it feels like. This is the story of a race.

The wind picks up, the waves get bigger. The girl holding the stern of our boat in place looks cold. She smiles at me. The coxswain looks too serious. I can't smile back. Shifting from butt cheek to butt cheek, I make sure I am at full compression. The coxswain puts his hand down.

"All hands are down," echoes from the speakers. "Attention. Row."

The words bounce through my head as the coxswain begins to talk, to yell, to scream almost. We begin to pull ahead of the other boats. The screaming filling my ear tells me I'm not alone.

"Settle hard in 2, that's 1... 2... Settle it down."

So I settle, into the hardest strokes of my life(so far). The sweat is dripping down my back and down my forehead. My heart is racing against me, too. My muscles are peeling off the bones. My body remembers exactly what it's supposed to do, from the days and days of repetition and drilling. I switch my brain off.

We're a quarter of the way through the race. I am completely soaked with sweat. Every stroke, my oar splashes through the high waves, breaking them, and sending spray toward my fellow rowers. It looks like they sweated as much as I did. My hands are slippery on the oar handle. Every stroke, I give a little more of me away. Every stroke, I dedicate myself a little more. It wasn't a matter of whether you were strong enough to win. It was a matter of how much you wanted it, whether you were willing to give what it took to win.

By halfway, I have nothing left to give. So we take ten strokes to move the boat, and to push until we find our reserves. We are in the lead. We come off of the power 10 and I drop my pressure on the oar. My muscles feel like undercooked steak. They're mushy and useless. My coxswain is yelling at me.

"Is that the best you can do? We walked through them, now shut this fucking race down." And my coach is yelling in my ear from the shore,"Be aggressive," I hear in my head. Through the words, I hear heavy breathing from my 7 seat behind me, and I make a decision. I decide on gold. I decide to commit to the win, whether or not I can win. This is my race. No, this is our race.

I pry our boat through the water. I am aggressive. I am always striving harder and harder for the best I can do. I am shutting this race down. I am pulling my weights and more, through the other crews. The boat is no longer stable. With every stroke, it unpredictably tips to one side of the other. I row through. Every time I engage my muscles, I have nothing left to engage, but I always have to find something.

We are 3/4 of the way through the race. I am having trouble focusing on the coxswain. My eyes roll up into my head. I pull them down. I can feel 7 other guys pulling as hard as me, all depending on me to keep it strong. And right as I think I can't vie anymore, the coxswain tells me to subject myself to more. The lead we have isn't good enough.

We speed up and shorten our stroke. We use twice as much energy for only a slight increase in boat speed. Things begin to look blurry around the edges. What choice do I have but to keep pulling harder than I can? My reserves are gone. And as we cross the finish, I feel my eyes black out and roll back into my head. My body hangs limp over the oar. The coxswain poked and prodded.

I woke up on land and threw up the power bar I had eaten to keep myself going during the race. I don't need it anymore. It has been used and thrown out. I am lying on the ground again. Somebody is pouring Gatorade into my mouth. My coach tells me to get off my lazy ass and help with the oars.

I pick myself up. I no longer care that my muscles burn and collapse at my weight, shaking the whole time. I pick up one of the long oars in each hand. The wind is blowing them to the side. I hobble across the rocky beach barefoot. My coach yells at me to go faster. I begin to run toward the trailer. By the time I get there, my sweat is cold and I'm shivering. I put the oars in their slots in the bottom of the trailer. Coach tells me I can go home and get some sleep, but to be at the boathouse at 6 the next morning for boat unloading and practice. I throw up in the bushes where nobody can see me, where nobody can think of me as weak, where nobody can ask what's wrong.

I head home. When I get there I try to go to sleep, but every time I lay down I feel like hurling again. I turn on the computer, and go on AIM. Now I have to face my friends. They tell me about hurting themselves(they don't know what I go through). My brain hurts as they ask me why I shut them out of my life. I don't have the balls to tell them the truth. I lie to them, to shut them up. My brain hurts, my body hurts, I hurt. Can't they just be happy with who I am?

cosmicgreen @ 2004-08-04T21:35:00

2004-08-05T04:36:49Z

Fatigue, exhaustion, desperation.
Grumbling, rumbling, hungering.
Slipping, falling, sinking.
Nobody, nobody, somebody.

cosmicgreen @ 2004-07-29T08:09:00

2004-07-29T15:16:21Z

Voice
What am I supposed to say,
When nothing goes my way?
What am I supposed to do,
If nobody can hear my voice?

If I've only got one way, one choice,
One truth and one voice,
What am I supposed to do with that?

If I don't know what you expect,
I won't know what to give.
If your orders aren't direct,
You'll get my interpretation.

Nobody's listening to my commands.
They don't respond to my demands.
What am I doing wrong?

Against
So unconventionally perfect,
And inconvenient for me.
Everything under control,
Uncontrolled.
So confused.

Locked
I don't respond
To your pounding.
Your persistance
Is astounding.

The door is locked.
Don't break it down.
The case is closed.
Don't open it, again.
My lips are sealed.
They won't speak.
You ship has sailed.
It won't come back, again.
The door is locked.

Familiar
When they said no place like home,
I know they really meant it.
When you reach for the stars,
And fall on your ass,
You come home.

And I don't want to leave,
I can't pack up and move.
Not when these walls are so familiar.
Not when I've known this all my life.

This house smells like...
...looks like...
...sounds like...
...tastes like...
...feels like home.

I can't give it up, I can't let go.
I'll never leave home, I'll never move out.

HELL of poetry...

2004-07-28T00:34:06Z

For a Minute
Everytime you hurt,
I hurt, too.
Each scar you count,
Is another broken heart.

Everytime you hurt,
I want to go back.
Each scar you count,
Is another time I've resisted.

Can't you just be happy?
Forget about your friends.
Think about you,
For a minute or two.

I Used To
I used to be just like you.
I used to do things,
Just like that.

It isn't what you wanna hear.
I'm not speaking words,
You're gonna accept.

It's not supposed to be the same.
We're not supposed
To understand.

Somehow I get it, I comprehend.
And if you ask why,
I used to.

Someone, Sometime, Somewhere
At some point or another,
All secrets are revealed.
To a friend, a parent.
To a sister, a brother.
Before you, too, have forgotten them.

Someday, you will meet somebody,
To whom you tell all.
Before your secrets are dead,
Dumped in an alley,
In a bar somewhere.

One day, you'll look back,
And regret your kept secrets.
You'll find a John or a Joe,
A Jill or a Jack.
Someday you'll tell them,
Someday, your cup will spill.

Warning Signs
My pores sweat fatigue.
My stomach grumbles on.
Hands slip off the wood.
Nobody notices.
My pores sweat exhaustion.
Still my tummy rumbles.
I fall off my seat.
Nobody notices.
My pores sweat desperation.
On my belly hungers.
Underwater I sink.
Finally, somebody notices.

Paper Towel
Soak up the mess.
Don't say a word.
Run to the garbage.
Quickly! Don't trip!
Hope it doesn't drip, drip, drip.
Information passed around.
Soak it up again.
Cleaning up the spilt milk.

Okay, prolly didn't make it through all those, but whatever. I wanteda post 'em anyways.

And still I update...

2004-07-23T17:32:10Z

You

You always move me right,
When I'm standing left of center.
You always dull the bite,
So it doesn't hurt too much.

If I hide, you'll find me.
If I fade you'll dust me off.
If I die, you'll wake me.
If I run away, you'll bring me back.

When I jumped,
You knew how to catch me.
When I fell,
You knew how to pick me up.

Things get so much better,
Whenever you're around.
You put a smile on my face,
Before you make a sound.

Le'ts go hide away,
Where they wouldn't think to find us.
But if you aren't by my side,
Nobody will think to look.

My Friends
If all my friends were movie stars,
I'd just be another extra.
If all my friends were millionares,
I'd be the guy that mowed their lawn.

If all of us played Shoot the Moon,
I'd still be stuck on Earth.
If we struck up a game of Monoploy,
I'd be the first on sent to jail.

If I raised 100 dollars,
They'd raise 1,000 more.
If I ran 10,000 miles,
They'd run them twice as fast.

Everytime I shine,
They show me someone better.
Everytime I glow,
They turn on all the lights.
But they're only kidding, right?

The Red-Eye
The sun sets on a silvery sea
Leaving lines of light.
The day departs upon the dusk.
Making no mark 'til morning.
The red-eye rumbles on.

"And now for something completely different..."

I had a bad day. A hand waiting to hit. It shouldn't feel wrong to be happy. It burns. A tear hits my arm. Nobody cares. All so insignificant. Let's go hide away. Making no mark 'til morning. They're only kidding, right? My heart is pounding. I'm still the one they blame. Need a little love to keep me lovin' back. I'll make it if I keep my pace. What color for me? Everything happened all at once. Do you understand? I don't. Life is sometimes that unfair. Someday, we will heal. I thought you might care. My broken heart doesn't mend at all. My world is upside-down and inside-out. Time is money, so I can't stop, honey. I hate all those people with the same friggin' shoes. I might not be as good as I used to be. You don't see me, not otday. The world underestimates my powers. Memories that made me cry. We're running out of time. We saw the city lights. Nobody can smell the way you make my heart melt and my head go bangbang. Just hold me in your arms, tonight. I try to get away from this life that I live. Through the blackened night she flies. The moonlight dancing on the water. The sun gets colder. I'm living this lie. I leave without a trace. Everything's changing, nothing is real. It ain't like my life is that complicated. Dazed and confused. Away, away, away you sneak. There are hidden surprises. Evil in thought, evil in mind. My eyes dry up. Am I what you really want? I can't wait for eternity. Crazy complication. Tranquil as the summer's heat. Heading towards the setting sun. Sometimes I just want to cry. Waiting to be used, thrown out. I won't get back up again. I don't know what to do. Can you make me stronger? Battles raging. Women crying. How different are they really? I always wake up. The sun trips and falls down. I told you so. It all builds up, it all falls down. Do not fear what will come next. Her heart still crumbles. How come I'm not having any fun? I put on a good face. Turns it into my last breath. My wounds don't bleed.

Ask me, if you don't get it.

Somewhat Selective Scribbles from the mind of a Spaz

2004-07-21T17:54:59Z

Water Cycles
A river winds uphill, downhill, around a bend.
It evaporates.
Flying up like a bird, free to explore.
It burns.
Toast from the toaster, pops up at the end
It smells.
Water treatment, clean out the tanks.
It flows.
Around a bend, downhill, uphill.
It winds.

Puddles
A tear hits my arm.
Whose is it?
The rain tickles my feet.
Whose is it?

The umbrella keeps me safe,
But not dry.
There's so much anger.
So I cry.

Why this? Why that?
Puddles of tears.
I need and I want,
Puddles of tears.

The sky lets go,
Drip, drip, drip.
And I let go.
Drip, drip, drip.

Puddles and puddles.

Fall
My fingers are slipping.
Nobody saves me.
I let go.

My body is falling.
Nobody sees me.
I scream out.

My bones are breaking.
Nobody cares.
I shut up.

Untitled
A plane overhead overheard.
Carrying people back to their lives.
So intricately individual.
So intertwined.
All so insignificant.

Happy

2004-07-19T17:29:26Z

There's nothing wrong, now.
Stop asking me.
Nothing has happened.
Stop telling me,
How I'm supposed to feel.

It shouldn't feel wrong, to be happy.
I shouldn't feel bad, that I'm me.
But I do, I do.
And I blame you.

Why can't life be like it was yesterday?
I need rewind more than T.V.s do.
Why can't life be no work, all play?
I need fun things, to do with you.

Won't let it feel wrong, to be happy.
I can be afraid, to not fit.
'Cause I'm me, I'm me.
And I know it.

Just some crappy poetry..

2004-07-19T05:17:27Z

Sometimes

Sometimes I just want to cry.
Why won't it come out.
A lot of times I just want to die.
What's this all about?

Sometimes I don't want to be here.
Sometimes I don't want to tell you.
Sometimes I just want to appear..
Sometimes... like I'm someone else.
...like I'm brand new.

I'm feeling so stupid.
I'm feeling so weak.
I've been beaten by a kid.
(Am I not a kid anymore?)
I'm supposed to be the strong one.
Why do I feel like such a freak, sometimes?

Who?
I am an empty tissuebox,
For a sad, sad girl.
Waiting to be used, thrown out.
So close to perfect.
Too much makeup.
Waiting to be used, thrown out.
I am a beaten rug.
Devoured by hungry mouths.
Waiting to be used, thrown out.
I am who I choose to be.
I can't decide.
I'm who you choose for me.

Laugh
Laughter floats through an open window.
A song already been sung.
Laughter flies, stabs me in the back.
A frisbee that lost its aim.
Laughter shoots at the movie screen.
A joke that's never been heard.
Laugheter sneaks from the back row.
A culprit who'll never be seen.
Laughter slips from a child's tongue.
A hand waiting to hit.

Kittens
Everything's better, now.
I had a bad day.
They noticed.
Everything's alright, now.
I asked them to play.
They answered.
Everything's better, now.
They told me they loved me.
I smiled.
Everything's alright, now.
They told me they'd missed me.
I giggled.
My bad day, it got better.

Again

2004-07-10T17:26:44Z

Niagara came to visit me.
Pouring from the round, green depths.
Niagara came to visit me.
She came to say hello.

And she's falling down.
She's dropping to the ground.
Niagara's fallin' down.
She won't get back up again.

Grand Canyon came to visit me.
Splitting my red blood chest.
Grand Canyon came to visit me.
He came for comfort.

And he's breaking me,
Setting my spirit free.
Grand Canyon's splittin' me.
I wouldn't expect to be whole again.

This life is falling down.
It's splitting me, in two.
This life is going down-
Hill from here.
I can't live like the rest of you.

And I am falling down.
I won't get back up again.
It's splittin' me.
I wouldn't expect,
To be whole again.

This

2004-07-08T02:28:34Z

And I don't know what to say.
I don't have that problem anymore.
Did you have to ask today?
When I had just had so much fun?

I'm still smelling like his love,
Still smelling like his kiss,
Still smelling like his touch.
Now you ruin it with this!
Why did you ruin it with this?

I know I've helped you in the past,
I know I'll help you once again.
But did you have to ask today?
Why did you ruin it with this?
Now you've ruined it with this!

Things are going well,
We got it all worked out.
Now you ruin it with this!
Why did you ruin it with this?
I can't get you out of hell,
This time.

I don't know what to say,
This time.
I don't know what to do,
This time.
Why did you ruin it with this?

Hunger

2004-07-07T04:56:07Z

Some guys just got it, some guys.
Some guys just know,
How to make their women stronger.
Some guys they just know,
How to feed their woman's hunger.

They got the words, the touch,
The caress, some guys.
Just know how much,
They should be givin' and takin' from us.

And I've got a hunger.
Can you make me stronger?
Are you some guy that I'm,
Lookin' for?

Some guys just got it, some guys.
Some guys just show,
The process of their healing.
Some guys just show,
How they're really feeling.

They got the walk, the talk,
The looks, some guys.
Just know how much,
They should be takin' and givin' to us.

And I've got a hunger.
Can you make me stronger?
Are you the guy that I'm,
Looking for?

*hint hint* to somebody who prolly doesn't know who the hell he is..

Poetry Spamming Time!!!

2004-07-05T19:08:19Z

Whoohoo!!! It's not quite 80 million, but close enough...

Patience

Still water, off and on.
Mosquitoes breeding.
Still wind, off and on.
Clouds waiting.
Still tempers, off and on.
Battles raging.

this next one is not meant to offend anyone.. just what i was thinking/feeling..
Him Again
Where's your God?
Workers dying.
Where's He now?
Women crying.
Where's your God?
Rulers lying.
Helps the ones who have it good.
Shuns the ones who beg for their food.
Everybody thanks him,
When something goes right.
Who ever hates him,
When they lose their fight?
Where is He then?
Where is He now?

Rooftops
Look down up on the houses,
All you see is rooftops.
Different colors, different shapes,
Different sets of mind.
Look down upon the streets,
All you see is people.
Different colors, different shapes,
Different sets of mind.
Look down up on the city.
See the rooftops, see the people.
How different are they really?

Serving Size
Individuality, comes in little packages.
Single serving, one per person.
That is all you get.

Individuality, comes on witty T-shirts.
Funny sayings, clever meanings.
Everybody has them.

Individuality, comes with personality.
Truly rebels, no conformity.
They end up all the same.

Individuality, is just a silly concept.
Witty T-shirts, little packages.
We will always be conformed.

Stuck
The music's loud enough to hear the beat,
But the words are just a mumble.
My hunger is growing in this heat,
But my tummy hasn't grumbled.

I'm stuck in between,
Happy and sad.
Great and pissed.
Disappointed and glad.
Pleased and miffed.
Content and mad.
I can't get out.
How do I get out?

When the word is on my tongue,
It always disappears.
When I'm about to fall asleep,
I always wake up.

I am stuck in between,
Like a rock and a hard place.
I let go, let it flow.
I put on my brave face.
No longer stuck in between.

Blink
The sun slips down.
The sun trips and falls down.
You reach to catch it.
It burns.
It's been night for so long,
It's light.
Pupils shrink.
Eyes blink.
You reach to remember
The night.
The sun trips and falls down.
The sun slips down.

Told Ya'
And I told you so.
Every time something doesn't go your way,
I told you so.
Every time you missed your train,
I said to leave early.
Every time they broke up with you,
I had told you to dump 'em.
When it rained on your birthday,
I told you it would.
Every time you looked like a fool,
I said you would.
And I told you so.
Everytime something didn't go right,
I told you so.

I wrote those last two on the plane. I was trying to sleep, and I was just thinking and POOF they were in my head. Many great poems have been lost, 'cause I didn't write them down before I went to sleep, so I wrote these ones down. Tell me if they were worth the lost sleep. I'M BACK!!! *spoon love* -BerkMazeley

In The Shadow

2004-06-19T16:53:34Z

Shadows creeping, crawling, staring me down.
Oozing through the motions, running.
Shadows sliding, chasing, hunting me down.
Turn around, double back, cunning.

Beads of fear, slipping, sliding.
Drip, drip, down they fall.
Path's unclear, slipping, sliding.
Crash, crash, down we fall.

Shadows, shadows, pressing in around me.
The walls are breathing.
Shadows, shadows, pressing down upon me.
My heart is pounding.

And we all wake up, we all wake up.
Blue birds singing.
And we all grow up, we all grow up.
Sunshine shining.

Never Let Out

2004-06-19T02:56:36Z

I have so many feelings, so many thoughts.
How come I can't tell people what they are?
Love is shown through a kiss,
Hate through a fist.
Moonlit nights and fatal gun shots.
It all builds up, it all builds up,
Never let out.
It all falls down, it all falls down.
I'm so tired.
Like fire and flames, it chars me inside.
Like steel and rain, it scars me inside.
It all builds up, it all falls down.
Never let out, never let out.

Rain

2004-06-19T00:21:09Z

The tears are slipping and falling,
Sand through the hour glass.
And I let them drop to the ground,
With the rain.
My past is calling and calling,
Bringing back my pain.
I shut it all out,
Don't make a sound.
People are shouting and shouting.
Tongues of fire, words of steel;
No one knows what it's all about.
Drown it out with the songs of the choir,
Always hide how you really feel.

At the end of the day,
Nothing's changed, all the same.
At the end of the day,
I'm still the one they blame.
And I take it 'cause I can.
But it's always my friends who pay.
They're the ones who catch my tears,
Who remind me of who I am.
They're the ones who tell me it's alright,
It's okay to have fears.
Stand by my side, during the fight.

The music fills my soul,
Drowning out the pain.
Sweet words make me whole.
Shutting out the rain.
I'm doing what I can,
To be a better friend.

---------------------------------------

I'm so overwhelmed with feelings it's hard to say. I love all of my friends, some of them more than I should. You who knows who you are, I do need to talk to you, and I don't know how to say what I want to say, or that I even should, but I don't think other people should be around. I think two weeks away from people is going to be good for me in some senses. I hope to see you all when I get back! I'm landing on July 5th, and I won't be awake enough to hang out 'til prolly the 10th, which is that Saturday. We should hang out in the park again! *spoon love*

Triple Turner

2004-06-17T21:10:22Z

M'kay, so I've got one untitled one and one random one to throw at ya', and then a third one called 'Healing', which is the sequel to 'Love'. Hope you like 'em, and comment, damnit!

Giggles like the bubbles.
Bubbles in my throat,
Exploding, popping with happiness

The early bird can get the worm,
What if you come the night before?
That which I yearn,
Lies in the 'lore.

Speak of lands from far away,
Magic and men of different race,
Another dollar gives me another day,
I'll make it if I keep my pace.

Catch into the rhythm, the beat.
Swing with the motion, the force.
Feeling pressed in by the heat,
The fire emitting from the source.

The darkest part of the day,
Comes right before the dawn.
In the night we swing and sway,
Dance and sing with our song.

I'm not sure if I actually finished this one.. but we can pretend I did... Can anyone think of a good title for it? I was thinkin' just take one of the words and use that, like I usually do, but I can't think of which word to use, 'cause it swings from one topic to the next so much...

Waiting

Quite on the contrary, of anything extraordinary.
Flat as jack, just like that. Nothing left to say.
If I keep you will you stay? Or leave my ass behind?
Conversation running dry, it drips from line to line.
Need a little love to keep me lovin' back.
I'm smilin' 'cause I want you....... to pick up all the slack.
Friendliness is drying up, competition rising.
Oh my spirit's flyin' up, but my soul is diving.
I've waited a day long, finished the way strong.
We've already run out of words to speak,
Do you have too little time? Are you really too beat?
Do we all have a burning question?
Is it there? Am I meant to be alone?
Do you care? Please just give a little smile.
Make the waiting worth my while, so it's fair.

It's not really random, but you guys know how to pretend. It's meant to be spoken, sorta like slam poetry.

And this next one... well... it's for you, and you know who you are.

Healing

The days are floating by,
You are looking well.
It was more you than me,
All I did was tell;
Spilled out those words that made you cry.
Showed you things you didn't want to see.

And I was just being honest,
I hope it didn't hurt too much.
I gave you my trust,
You'll do what's right for you.
I gave you my love,
You'll come to me when you need it.

I would never take a step,
If you werent going that way, too.
You've given me hope,
That I can now forget and let go.
Now all the healing's from you.
Now your pains can help me cope.

If you try and push this down,
It'll come right back to the top.
Believe me, I know.
It'll find its way 'round,
And come back more painful than before.
If you send it away, it won't stop.
Always the scars will show.
You and I know what we have in store.

We'll take this painful road,
With a grim face.
So many ways to trip and fall.
Our thoughts slowed,
To the most painful pace.
Along these paths we will walk,
By the end we'll stand strong and tall,
Healthier for our many talks.

Someday, we will heal,
Someday soon, we'll get better.
After all our scars have sealed,
And our bond is that much stronger.
Someday, we will heal.

Oh man, now I'm crying. But yeah, I was looking through my various notebooks for that one, and I found the first two, and decided to post them. There are a whole bunch more in those notebooks, but I thought three was enough for one day. Once again.. Comment, damnit!!! Have a nice day!

Song on a Hong

2004-06-15T17:44:26Z

Song on a Hong
It comes as a shock to the clock, so let’s take.. A walk ‘round the block (Walk ‘round the block..)
And the fat cat had a bat in it’s hat, so it sat on a rat..
And the pen showed the color of men to the hen in the den,
While the book shook the hook, which was stuck, in a nook,
And the boat managed to float in the moat, on a note.
So the page turns to sage,
The fog deepens the haze,
While the tape takes a shape,
‘Cause Sam eats his ham.
And the lights break out fights between knights without kites.
So the goats with totes are just a hoax for the blokes without notes?
And the strings are just things for those flings where they sing??
And the pool is for the fool on the stool who thinks he’s so cool???
‘Til the chlorine turns to mean, and he gets he isn’t so keen.
We dress to impress, while we make such a mess with our guess...
And what we’re fed is in our head, while we fear our dread of red.
Then take what we break,
And dance to the trance..
Sing to the *bing*
And ring to the thing.
While we all live in a square, covered in hair, and filled up with air,
The floors are just boards, and the walls are real cold.
But our rhyme is out of time,
So we’ll send you the end, of our song on a hong, much later.. bis später!

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I'm in a silly mood.. *giggles* Can you tell? Heeheehee...